Our Trip to Holland

One of my favorite poems that was given to me after Kennedy was born was Welcome to Holland by Emily Perl Kingsley. It's one that I've held onto throughout the years as our daughter has taken us on this trip we never planned on taking. And now we are about to embark on another journey, for another beautiful little girl... one that we wouldn't have known about if it weren't for Kennedy.

Yesterday we booked our flights for our trip to Kellsey's country. I was consumed with dates and times and how we were going to get to where we need to be and when. I was consumed with the details... like I tend to do a lot in life. Then my mom pulled out her world map and said, "Guess what? Your layover is in Amsterdam!" I replied that I knew that already and she said, "Well, I guess your girls are finally, REALLY taking you to Holland."

We won't get to leave the airport, but I will enjoy every minute that we are there. I am thankful for my daughters and for Holland, and for being able to slow down and not dwell so much on the details. It's truly a beautiful place to be.

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Welcome to Holland
By Emily Perl Kingsley, 1987. All rights reserved.

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away...because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss. But...if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.